Motherhood

I was hospitalized on Friday morning and my OB told me she wanted to wait until Monday for me to see the high-risk doctor and to see what he says about delivering early. We woke up Monday morning expecting to have a chill day and to eventually go see the high-risk doctor. Around 7:30 AM my OB walks in and says “Do you want to have a birthday party?” I looked at Ryan and we were both like “huh?”. She said she was up early that morning looking at my file and decided that I needed to deliver that day. Ryan asked if we were going to still see the high-risk doctor and she said there was no need. She knew I needed to deliver because my BP would not stay under control over the weekend.

The first thing I did once my OB left the room was call my mom. She was with Finley and was on the way out the door of the house to take Finley to school. I called her and said, “Well, we’re having a baby today!” She was so excited! I then texted my other family members and Ryan texted his family. We were excited but also nervous. I was only 33 weeks.

Nurses came flooding in to get me hooked up to the IV and other machines. This c-section wasn’t as rushed so we had time to breathe. It was nice to be able to communicate with each other beforehand and to talk to family. I was so nervous though. The thought of the epidural and undergoing major surgery had me stressed. I told Ryan I felt like Pam from the Office on the episode where she doesn’t want to go have a baby because she doesn’t think she can do it. I knew I could do it…but I was flooded with fear. I turned on my worship playlist and just started praying.

I finally got wheeled into the operating room and Ryan had to stay behind until I got my epidural. When I get there their computers weren’t working. They could not figure why they would not turn on so they had to call the IT guy. It took about 30 minutes for them to get the computers working and for me to get my epidural. Then Ryan was finally able to come into the room.

I remember how bad the epidural hurt with Finley so I was worried about this one. However, this one did not hurt at all! I do not think I will ever forget how uncomfortable I was. The epidural worked right away but I started feeling like I was claustrophobic. I could not move (obviously) and it was the worst feeling. My OB walked in and told Ryan he could play music so I told him to play worship music. I started singing the songs to myself and tried to distract myself. Thankfully they started operating right away so it kinda distracted me.

I heard my OB say “Hi, Baby!” then I heard him crying. Ryan was able to cut the umbilical cord which was awesome because he was not able to with Finley. He was crying really good which was a good sign because we were worried about his lungs. They sounded great though initially. They weighed him, we took pics, and then they took him to NICU.

They started stitching me up and this part takes a while. I started having the worst pain in my back after they took him out. I told Ryan I didn’t feel good and that the pain was getting worse. The anesthesiologist gave me some meds and told me I would be out for about 2 minutes. I heard Ryan talking to me and then talking to my OB about video games. I thought those two convos ran together but Ryan said I was out for about 20 minutes. It was so weird because I did not even know I was out. Ryan said I was talking to him and then I just fell asleep immediately. My back felt so much better after that medicine!

We went back to our room and I was finally about to breathe. I was on magnesium so I was not about to get up or go to NICU for 24 hours. Ryan was able to though so he got to go see him! My nurse was so sweet and it made things so much better. We had the best nurses during our stay! (And Harrison has the BEST NICU nurses). I was finally able to eat lunch and then the nurse told me I needed to rest. Easier said than done.

The next morning I needed to use the restroom and I was so worried because I remember how bad it hurt to get up right after my c-section with Finley. It took Ryan and two nurses to roll me off the best after my first c-section. The time was different. My stomach muscles were sore so it hurt to sit up. However, after I sat up in bed, I stood up immediately with no pain! Ryan and I looked at each other like “what?!” We were both expecting some dramatic episode where I felt like my incision was going to split open. (Like how I felt after I delivered Finley). This time was so much easier! MY OB used new medicine that completely numbs the incision and it was amazing! I was up walking around the next day.

I finally got to go see Harrison after 24 hours and it was so sweet. I was not expecting him to be in an incubator or connected to the CPAP machine. It was overwhelming and sad. I felt so bad for him. Then the guilt set in. I felt like if only I was about to keep him in a little longer then he wouldn’t have to go through this. I still have moments of guilt where I feel bad that he has to stay in NICU for so long and that Ryan has to spend his leave at the hospital instead of at home as a family of four. It’s the hardest season I have ever walked through.

I did not even know what Harrison looked like the first few days he was in NICU because he was hooked up to the CPAP machine. So one day his nurse took off the CPAP machine so Ryan could take a picture for me. It was so sweet. He has made amazing strides while in NICU. His doctor says that he is right on schedule. He is gaining weight and his lungs have matured. Those were the two things we were praying for. Now, we need him to learn how to eat without the feeding tube and to keep it down. He has these spit-up episodes where he will drop his heart-rate so that is a little concerning. It’s a preemie thing but he has to have it under control before he comes home. Spitting-up is normal, however, Harrison is still learning how to clear it himself. So, that is our prayer now. We just want him home. But we also want him healthy.

Thank you for your prayers, support, and encouragement. It means more to us than you know!

xoxo, Alyssa

This is my second time writing this post. The first time was not so nice. I was upset and frustrated. I am going on day three in the hospital and want to give an update.

I got admitted after my OB appointment on Friday. I had high BP and my preeclampsia was severe. So off to the hospital I went…again. I was not sure what to expect. On Friday, I was only 32 weeks. If you’re new here…I delivered Finley at 34 weeks because of preeclampsia. I was hospitalized with her at 32 weeks. They say history repeats itself. And as of now, they’re right. So, I’m on track to deliver at 34 weeks if my BP behaves until then.

Making it to 34 weeks is a huge milestone in development. Each day in my belly is one day less in NICU. 34 weeks is the goal, however, it depends on what my body does. The ultimate goal would be to make it to 37 weeks but my DR last night said there’s no way I’ll make it that far.

I got two doses of steroid shots to help his lungs incase I do deliver early. They are trying to get him as ready ad they can for whenever he comes. We know that he looks great, he is doing the practice breathing, and everything with my body looks great. I see the high-risk DR tomorrow and they will give us more details and proved more information. I’m looking forward to that sono to get a more in-depth overview of how he’s doing.

Now here’s the honesty…my first day and night were HARD. I cried more than I ever have. This time is different because I have Finley at home. The thought of not being with her destroyed me. I have never left her overnight. Ever. Ryan stayed with me during the day which helped so much. Finley hung out with her Moosie and had the best time! She was living her best life! But not being with her was so hard! That night, I slept horribly. I had the worst nightmares I have ever had and I woke up in a panic at 3:00 am. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Ryan went home to be with her at night and I loved that she had him there with her. I just feel like she’s going through so much change at once and so suddenly!

Yesterday was better but I was still upset and cried at the drop of a hat. Finley went to the zoo with my sister and had the BEST DAY! She has been totally fine throughout this process which makes me feel better! I just have major guilt and feel like she needs her mom. She cried last night because I wasn’t there when she went to bed. That was the lowest I have ever felt. She got to snuggle with daddy and that made it better!

I got to see her today for the first time since Friday! They gave me 15 minutes outside to go and see her. I don’t know if that’s because of Covid or not. But I was thankful for the time. She was so happy and ran and gave me the biggest hug! I was happy to see her so happy! I set a 15-minute timer and when it went off she said “Yay! I get to go to Mimi’s house!” It made me happy to know that she wasn’t sad and that she is in good hands while I can’t be there. I think that is the best reaction I could’ve asked for from her. I was afraid that I would be a mess once she left but I was relieved that she was so excited to go to Mimi’s!

So now…we wait. We wait to see what the high-risk dr says tomorrow. We wait to see what my BP does. We think I will be here until I deliver…just as I was with Finley. It may be at 34 weeks…it may be before. Please pray with us that whenever he does come that he will be healthy and spend minimal time in NICU, if any time at all.

xoxo, Alyssa

“It’s not your fault” my doctor kept telling me over and over again. I know it’s not my fault but it is still frustrating. I have dreamt of being pregnant my whole life so why it is so difficult for me? Before I go any further, I want to acknowledge the fact that we are blessed and thankful for a healthy baby. I am not complaining…just sharing our story. I know many women would love to be where I am right now. I am not naive to that. But this journey has been hard and I want to share it.

Preeclampsia, again. The chances of getting it more than once are rare. But here we are. I told the ER doctor that my body does not like being pregnant…he said “no, your placenta’s do not like being pregnant” Fair enough. I was doing so well until around 31 weeks when all of a sudden there was a significant trace of protein in my urine. When I was pregnant with Finley, I had been showing slow signs for a while. It seemed like this time it came out of nowhere. I’m 32 weeks as I write this…I was hospitalized with Finley at 32 weeks.

I went to the doctor because I had some severe pain and pressure down by my c-section scare. It felt like he was trying to push himself out. His head is already in position so that is the pain I was feeling. I called my doctor and she said I should go to the ER just to make sure everything is okay. Everything was okay with the pain and pressure I was feeling but they said the preeclampsia was rising and my BP was higher than they wanted. So, they gave me a steroid shot to help develop his lungs in case I deliver early!

They gave me the option to stay the night or to go home. I opted to go home. They said that I needed another steroid shot within 24 hours so I needed to go back to the ER the next night between 10-11 pm. I went last night and was expecting to get my shot and then leave. They decided to take all my vitals again and my BP was a little elevated and the protein in my urine was still rising. So, their advice was to stay the night. I immediately lost it. I trust their medical advice, however, It was midnight and it was so last minute. I needed time to get things in order for Finley. I’m a mom now so I had to do what was best for my family at that moment. The last time they told me to stay for the night, it turned into two weeks. I needed to go home and prepare in case that happens again. So, I went home and spent the whole next day getting schedules ready and bags packed just in case. I want this to be as normal for Finley as possible. The deal was that I would be on strict bed rest and only get up to use the restroom. DEAL.

So, I am on bed rest until further notice. My mom came over to clean, do dishes, and laundry. It is so hard for me to sit still and not clean. However, I am thankful for all of the help we are receiving! I went to my OB the next day to check on baby, my preeclampsia, and my Bp. Ryans’ mom watched Finley which was so helpful! I am having to go to the OB more and more and with covid, I can’t take Finley with me. Which makes it a little more stressful. At my appointment, my preeclampsia was steady which was good. They had given me BP meds at the hospital and sent some to my pharmacy. However, my pharmacy had not filled it yet. So, they were thankful that my BP was good at my appointment even though I had not had any meds that day. They hooked me up to monitor the baby and they said he looks great! So they let me leave and come home! We are taking it day by day.

I go back on Friday for a sonogram to monitor him some more and to check fluid and all that fun stuff. I will also see the high-risk doctor sometime this week. They are wanting me to make it to 37 weeks. It is looking like it may be 34 weeks at this point. My OB said that because of the steroid shots, Harrison may not spend any time in the NICU if he comes early which would be AMAZING!

So that is where we are right now! Strict bed rest for the foreseeable future but I’m just so thankful that I get to be at home for now!

It took us a while to get pregnant. 7 months to be exact. When I took my positive test in the bathroom of Walmart (yes, Walmart), I was shocked! Ryan was at home in a meeting so I took Finley to the Zoo and tried to stay busy until I got home to share the news with Ryan! His reaction was “I knew it” haha We told our family in all the cute ways. I will never forget my brother’s and sister’s reactions. The video we have is my favorite ever. The day after we told Ryan’s parents, I knew something wasn’t right. I called my doctor and told her what was happening and she confirmed over the phone that I was miscarrying.

I had to go in for a sonogram to make sure everything was out and they confirmed there was no more baby. I think the doctor was confused because I was in such good spirits. The way I processed this was different than how I normally would have reacted. I had never been through anything like this so my first reaction was to shut down and hide how I felt. If you know me, you know that I am not one to hide my emotions! (I cry almost every day-haha) I did not want anyone to feel sorry for me. I did not even want to tell my family what had happened. I also did not want them to have to go through the heartbreak. So, Ryan called my mom and told her I was okay and had her call the rest of my family. I shoved it down and did not talk about it. This was so out of character for me. I did not know how to process it. It took a few days for it to really hit me and then I just broke down by myself in the bathroom. Ryan heard and came in to comfort me. I was afraid that since it took us 7 months to conceive that it would take us another 7 months. However, you are more fertile after a miscarriage….

We became pregnant with our son our first time after miscarrying. Our doctor recommended trying after one full cycle, however, we did now that that because she was on vaca and did not call back until 3 weeks after we miscarried…so ya know…here we are!

I wanted to share this part of our story because I want other women to know that they’re not alone. When I was going through it, I felt alone and like miscarriage was not talked about enough. I knew one day that I wanted to tell my story.

The most important part of my story is this…through it all The Lord was and is faithful. There were times where I was so mad at God. I asked Ryan many times what I did wrong. I did not understand why I would be going through this when I knew the Lord promised me another child. It did not make sense. What I did not know at the time was that The Lord was preparing me. He did promise me a child and he fulfilled his promise…just not the way I thought he would.

I am constantly praying and thinking about the moms who can not get pregnant. I am not naive to the fact the 7 months is not a long time compared to some people’s stories. And to be honest, my heart breaks for those women. I’m sharing my story in hopes that it encourages you to really lean on The Lord and to remember His promises. My favorite verse is this: Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her! Luke 1:45 We may never know why we go through the valleys, however, He will always fulfill his promises. Even if it is not how we imagined it would look like.

If you made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read our story. We are very blessed and thankful for this season of life.

xoxo, Alyssa

This is a post that is long overdue. I receive so many questions on where I get mine and Finleys matching outfits, so I am going to share my secrets!

Tip: not all of our outfits are ” Mommy and Me” I create a lot of the outfits from pieces that I find at Old Navy, Target, etc. Pieces like a chambray dress, cream sweater, denim shorts are all great staple pieces that can be styled many different ways and easily matched with each other. For example:

The Following looks are all pieces that I bought from a Mommy and Me collection. These are some of my fav places to shop at!

Rylee & Cru

Smocked Auctions:

J. Marie

Kortni Jeane swimsuits

Lilly Pulitzer

I hope this gives you some fun inspo!

“Pinterest Perfect Pregnancy” I will forewarn you that it was as far as Pinterest worthy as it could be. But it was worth every second.

Pregnancy Announcement

I am not going to lie, I had this idea planned out in my head even before we were trying to get pregnant. Donuts, banners, cute customized cards, I thought of it all. I thought I had to tell my family I was pregnant in the cutest way. However, when we found out we were pregnant, I was out of state, far from family, and I was so sick. I found out that I was pregnant on my second wedding anniversary while we were in Alaska. I went to the local grocery store in Skagway, AK and bought a pregnancy test. There are no such things as public bathrooms, apparently. So, after walking forever, we found a little boutique that had a bathroom. I took the test and sure enough, it was positive. I will never forget how I felt at that moment. The Lord orchestrated this so beautifully. I would not trade it for the world. But was it how I had planned it? No. And that is what is so wonderful about it. I told my family via Facetime. Yes, you read that right. But it was the most exciting FaceTime call I have ever made. So, however you announce your pregnancy, it will be lovely. Whether it’s with donuts, a cute coffee mug, or just a phone call, each way is beautiful in itself.

Gender Reveal

Now, this was a party that I had thought would be over the top, amazing in every way, and something you would want to repin on Pinterest. HA. I had severe morning sicking that was 24-7. I was to the point where I did not even want to have the party. Praise the Lord for my sister who helped me plan and decorate! It was very simple and sweet. The gender reveal balloon popped before we announced, however, no one saw it pop so it did not ruin the reveal! It was not what I had planned in my head but it still was so fun to announce it! We had our most special friends and family there to celebrate with us and at the end of the day, that was what was most important to us. I was blown away by all the people who showed up and all the people who tuned into our Facebook live to celebrate with us. Our sweet growing baby was already so loved.

Maternity Fashion 

This is probably the biggest laugh of all. Y’all. I thought I would be the cutest pregnant person ever. The ones you see on Pinterest making pregnancy look so fashionable. I bought maybe two pieces of maternity clothing and only wore one of the tops. I lived in leggings and over-sized tops. Thank goodness I was pregnant during the winter months. I was gifted some maternity leggings and I literally lived in them. (I still wear them, because let’s be real, maternity leggings are the BEST). I could care less about what I wore each day. All I cared about was making it through the day without throwing up.

Delivery

I have always struggled with letting go and not being in control. I am a planner, which is not always a bad thing. However, sometimes I plan too much that I don’t stop to see what the Lord has for me. I got a huge wakeup call during pregnancy. As you can tell already, things did not go how I had expected them too. It was hard, but it was good. The Lord is completely in control and even though things did not go how I thought they would go, it went exactly how it was supposed too. And through it, I learned to Trust The Lord even more.

December 7, 2017, I was admitted to the hospital for severe Preeclampsia. I was in the hospital for 14 days and then I went back for an emergency c-section. (I have another blog post that goes more in detail on this.) It was the craziest, most exciting, most terrifying, experience I have ever gone through. But even then, I felt The Lord near in every way.

Our sweet Finley made her debut on December 20, 2017. She is perfect in every way. I did not enjoy being pregnant, however, I loved growing my baby girl. You will not see my pregnancy on Pinterest. But it was worth it. Absolutely worth it.

This topic is a hard one. I have to admit, when I was pregnant I knew I was going to breastfeed and that was final. I remember walking down the isles at Target with the baby-registry scanner adding items to my list. I came across a cute formula holder and thought to myself, oh that’s cute but I will never need that. As I walked to the breast pumps to scope out the best one. I did not cast judgment on people who used formula, but I knew that would not be me. Some moms would tell me how it was what was best for my baby and I knew that. Some moms would tell me how it is hard in the beginning but to keep pushing through it. I had information streaming from every direction.

When Finley was born I held her for about 5 minutes before she was sent down to the NICU. After that, I could not see her for 24 hours due to being on Magnesium. She was 6 weeks early because of my preeclampsia. So, my blood pressure was sky-high and they needed to monitor it for the 24 hours after birth. That meant not getting out of bed and unfortunately, not seeing Finley. Not the ideal birth story you read about on Pinterest.

In the NICU they fed Finley donor breast milk. This was amazing! Their donors go through a severe screening process. So, for the first 5 days, she had donor milk from a bottle. After 5 days, they switch to formula. I would go down down the NICU and I tried my best to breastfeed during her stay. However, she was 6 weeks premature so it was a little harder for her. I had to use a nipple shield for her to even latch at all. We would feed for 30 minutes and then supplement with donor milk. Days 6-7 we supplemented with formula. I was very hesitant to switch to formula at first, but we had no other option. I was not producing enough right away because my body had not been ready to give birth that quickly and Finley was not fully ready.

I remember getting so excited when I pumped 1/2 an ounce. It was truly a proud mom moment. Once we got home from the hospital I tried to pump as much as I could. I breastfed Finley and we would supplement with formula. However, each feeding was a struggle. When I say struggle, I mean Finley and I were both in tears. Every. Single. Feeding. She had been so used to using a bottle with the donor milk, so she would not latch without the shield. And the shield was a whole other struggle. I was so discouraged and I did not understand why. One particular feeding took almost two hours. I knew breastfeeding was what was best, so why was it not working? Was I a bad mom for feeling this way? Was I not trying hard enough?

When we started our Pediatrician visits Finley weighed 5 pounds 4 ounces. As we continued to go, our pediatrician was a little worried because she was not gaining weight like she should have been. We had to start going weekly for weight-checks. What we came to find out, was that I was not producing enough so when I was breastfeeding she was not getting as much as she needed. We made the hard decision to go strictly to formula. Mom guilt is real, Y’all. I never thought this would be me. I thought I was failing my baby. But you know what? After being on formula for a couple of weeks, she gained weight rapidly. I am happy to report that she is now on the percentile chart when they had previously said it would take her months.

In the end, you have to do what is best for YOUR baby. Do not let anyone influence your decisions as a mom. You know your baby better than anyone. I am THAT mom who feeds her baby formula and I am proud of it. I am proud because I am doing what I need to do for my baby to be healthy!

(And yes, I went back to Target to get the cute formula holder 🙂 )

xo, Alyssa Littlefield

Life as a family of three has been a very smooth transition. Sometimes, Ryan and I just stare at Finley wondering how we got so lucky to be her parents. We are in awe of how we made this little lady and how we get to be the ones who raise her. The Lord is so faithful.

The first night was a little rough. We got maybe two hours of sleep. Thank goodness for concealer! We jumped up to check on her when she let out any tiny little noise or cry. We have never prayed so much in our life. We really have to just trust God and give it all to him. The first month, we would spend about an hour and a half during each feeding, just trying to figure out what worked for us and what worked for Finley.

As the days have gone on, we have been getting more into a routine that works well for us and we are getting more sleep. PTL. Our sweet Fin is also getting used to her feeding schedule. She has started to wake up on the dot every three hours. Our little premie is growing rapidly and has been catching up with her eating. She is finally on the percentile chart! We have come along way since being on the feeding tube!

Being home with my family of three has been a dream. We are so blessed to be able to have this time together to get used to things. Finley already has us both wrapped around her tiny little finger. I remember being a blonde, chubby-cheeked little girl that loved playing house so I could pretend to be a mom. That was what I wanted more than anything. I knew becoming a mother would be great but Finely is the reason why being a mom is so wonderful.

Ryan and I want to thank you all for the prayers and encouragement these last few months. It means more to us than you know. It was not the easiest pregnancy or delivery, but the fact that Finley is here and healthy makes it 100% worth it! Again, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

Our prayer for Finley is that she is happy, healthy and that she loves The Lord with all her heart! Finley has changed our lives for the better and we are so so thankful that we get to be her mom and dad!

xoxo,

Alyssa Littlefield

The hardest part of being in the hospital was not being able to see Finley for 24 hours after I gave birth. I got to hold her for about 5 minutes before they took her to the NICU. I was on magnesium (as I previously stated in my last blog post) so I could not leave my bed or room for 24 hours. When the time came for me to get out of bed, it was extremely hard. I underwent a c-section just 24 hours earlier and had not been out of bed since. Sitting up and rolling over was so painful. It was a pain like I have never felt before. I was to the point of tears. But I wanted more than anything to get out of bed and go see my daughter.

When I finally made it to the NICU, I was just so excited to hold my baby girl. I did not want to leave. I could have just held her for hours. The nurses were amazing! They took such great care of our Finley so I knew she was in great hands. Each time we walked in there it was so positive and uplifting. Ryan and I were so thankful for all of the help they provided. They taught us how to feed her the right way and how to pace her with the bottle. They gave us so many tips on breastfeeding. Honestly, if it wasn’t for them, I would not know how to properly breastfeed. They informed us on small things like taking her temperate before each feeding and how to hold her while bottle feeding and breastfeeding. They also showed us some tips and tricks. We are truly grateful.

I was discharged on December 24 and even though I was thrilled to be leaving the hospital after 18 days of being a patient, it was so hard leaving my baby there. It was the weirdest feeling. We had only been a family of 3 for 4 days so it was all so new. On one hand, it felt normal riding in the car with just Ryan heading to get lunch and then heading home. On the other hand, I felt like I had left half of my heart at the hospital. I remember waking up the next day on Christmas Day wanting more than anything for my baby to be there with us. All I wanted was to spend the whole day with her, even if that meant sitting in the NICU all day. And that’s exactly what we did.

After 6 days and many shed tears later, Finley was discharged on December 27. My favorite thing was walking out of that hospital with my sweet little family of three. We had quite the adventure this past month. 18 days in the hospital, an unexpected C-Section delivering our baby 6 weeks early, and a 6 day NICU stay.  This was not how we thought our delivery would go at all. But through it all, we trusted The Lord. We knew He had a plan and that it was good. Everything was completely out of our control so we had to lean on The Lord more than ever. Our God is a good God and our God is a faithful God. We thank Him every day for our sweet baby girl!

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

xoxo,

Alyssa Littlefield

I am writing this post from the NICU room at the hospital. The past 6 days have been a whirlwind of emotions. We received the most wonderful gift less than a week ago and I have never been more in love. Our lives have changed for the better. I want to take a moment and share the story of how Finely was born and why she was born 6 weeks early.

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

My high-risk doctor had told me that if I had two more high blood pressures in a row that they would have to go ahead and induce me. They said baby looked good and since she was 34 weeks she would do really well. I wanted more than anything to meet my baby but at this point, I was getting really scared about my health. And let’s be honest, after 18 days in the hospital, I just wanted out. I had a couple of high BP’s during the course of the day. At one point my nurse went to call the doctor to see what we should do. He said that they were not crazy high yet so we were just going to wait it out. I was a little frustrated because my BP was getting higher but nothing was happening. However, I trusted my doctors and knew they were making the right call.

7:00 pm: Ryan walked into the room at 7:01 and put my food on the bed and I was just about to eat when my nurse walked in to take my BP. It was 200/109 which is seizure/stroke range. She took it again and it was even higher. At this point, I was getting very worried about my health. My nurse hurried out then three other nurses walked in and told me to put on the hospital gown because it was go-time. I immediately called my mom and barely had time to process what was going on. They rolled in a sonogram machine to see if she was breached (she was 3 days prior) and they hooked me up to the IV. Finley had tuned and was not breached anymore which we were excited about. However, my doctor told us that if they induced me, I would be in labor for about three days because my body was not ready to give birth this early. They needed to deliver ASAP because my BP was so high so the only option was for me to have a C-Section.

8:00 pm: I was rolled into the delivery room without Ryan. I kept telling myself that I was going to be okay. Going back there by myself was not my most favorite thing. My nurse was amazing and talked to me the whole time and she held my hands while they were doing the epidural.  The epidural was very painful and I started to feel very fatigued. Again, I kept telling myself I was going to be okay. But in reality, I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it through. My nurse put the medicine in and my whole lower body went warm an then it went numb. After I laid back down they brought Ryan in and I had a sigh of relief. Just having him there with me made me so much more relaxed. They started the procedure and it was a feeling like nothing before. I did not feel any pain but I felt them tugging and pulling. I kept waiting to hear my baby cry so that I knew she was out and healthy.

8:21 pm: Finley entered the world. I heard the doctor say “breath. breath.” That is the most terrifying thing to hear after giving birth. The umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck so she was not breathing right away. However, it did not take long for her to start breathing. This is another reason I am so glad we went ahead and did a C-Section. I was 100% okay with having a C-Section because it was all about me being healthy and baby being healthy. I did not care how I delivered, I just wanted Finley and myself to be okay. The first time I held my baby was a dream. A dream that I had dreamt about since I was a little girl. In fact, I feel like I am still dreaming. They let me hold her for a few minutes before taking her to NICU. The hardest part was that I did not get to see her for 24 hours after giving birth. My BP was so high, so after my surgery that put me on magnesium so I would not have a stroke. I could not leave my bed and Finley was in the NICU so we were apart the first 24 hours. The only thing that made that bearable was knowing that her NICU nurses were amazing and knowing that her daddy was in there with her any chance he got.

9:00 pm: I sat in the recovery room and looked at Ryan. My first thought was “what just happened”? Earlier that night, I didn’t know I was having a baby. And there I was, 2 hours later, in the recovery room as a new mom. The whole process was so fast. I still can’t believe it. However, we are so blessed that she is here and that she is healthy! We love our Finley so much!

xoxo,

Alyssa Littlefield