This is my second time writing this post. The first time was not so nice. I was upset and frustrated. I am going on day three in the hospital and want to give an update.
I got admitted after my OB appointment on Friday. I had high BP and my preeclampsia was severe. So off to the hospital I went…again. I was not sure what to expect. On Friday, I was only 32 weeks. If you’re new here…I delivered Finley at 34 weeks because of preeclampsia. I was hospitalized with her at 32 weeks. They say history repeats itself. And as of now, they’re right. So, I’m on track to deliver at 34 weeks if my BP behaves until then.
Making it to 34 weeks is a huge milestone in development. Each day in my belly is one day less in NICU. 34 weeks is the goal, however, it depends on what my body does. The ultimate goal would be to make it to 37 weeks but my DR last night said there’s no way I’ll make it that far.
I got two doses of steroid shots to help his lungs incase I do deliver early. They are trying to get him as ready ad they can for whenever he comes. We know that he looks great, he is doing the practice breathing, and everything with my body looks great. I see the high-risk DR tomorrow and they will give us more details and proved more information. I’m looking forward to that sono to get a more in-depth overview of how he’s doing.
Now here’s the honesty…my first day and night were HARD. I cried more than I ever have. This time is different because I have Finley at home. The thought of not being with her destroyed me. I have never left her overnight. Ever. Ryan stayed with me during the day which helped so much. Finley hung out with her Moosie and had the best time! She was living her best life! But not being with her was so hard! That night, I slept horribly. I had the worst nightmares I have ever had and I woke up in a panic at 3:00 am. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Ryan went home to be with her at night and I loved that she had him there with her. I just feel like she’s going through so much change at once and so suddenly!
Yesterday was better but I was still upset and cried at the drop of a hat. Finley went to the zoo with my sister and had the BEST DAY! She has been totally fine throughout this process which makes me feel better! I just have major guilt and feel like she needs her mom. She cried last night because I wasn’t there when she went to bed. That was the lowest I have ever felt. She got to snuggle with daddy and that made it better!
I got to see her today for the first time since Friday! They gave me 15 minutes outside to go and see her. I don’t know if that’s because of Covid or not. But I was thankful for the time. She was so happy and ran and gave me the biggest hug! I was happy to see her so happy! I set a 15-minute timer and when it went off she said “Yay! I get to go to Mimi’s house!” It made me happy to know that she wasn’t sad and that she is in good hands while I can’t be there. I think that is the best reaction I could’ve asked for from her. I was afraid that I would be a mess once she left but I was relieved that she was so excited to go to Mimi’s!
So now…we wait. We wait to see what the high-risk dr says tomorrow. We wait to see what my BP does. We think I will be here until I deliver…just as I was with Finley. It may be at 34 weeks…it may be before. Please pray with us that whenever he does come that he will be healthy and spend minimal time in NICU, if any time at all.