7 months of waiting

October 31, 2020

It took us a while to get pregnant. 7 months to be exact. When I took my positive test in the bathroom of Walmart (yes, Walmart), I was shocked! Ryan was at home in a meeting so I took Finley to the Zoo and tried to stay busy until I got home to share the news with Ryan! His reaction was “I knew it” haha We told our family in all the cute ways. I will never forget my brother’s and sister’s reactions. The video we have is my favorite ever. The day after we told Ryan’s parents, I knew something wasn’t right. I called my doctor and told her what was happening and she confirmed over the phone that I was miscarrying.

I had to go in for a sonogram to make sure everything was out and they confirmed there was no more baby. I think the doctor was confused because I was in such good spirits. The way I processed this was different than how I normally would have reacted. I had never been through anything like this so my first reaction was to shut down and hide how I felt. If you know me, you know that I am not one to hide my emotions! (I cry almost every day-haha) I did not want anyone to feel sorry for me. I did not even want to tell my family what had happened. I also did not want them to have to go through the heartbreak. So, Ryan called my mom and told her I was okay and had her call the rest of my family. I shoved it down and did not talk about it. This was so out of character for me. I did not know how to process it. It took a few days for it to really hit me and then I just broke down by myself in the bathroom. Ryan heard and came in to comfort me. I was afraid that since it took us 7 months to conceive that it would take us another 7 months. However, you are more fertile after a miscarriage….

We became pregnant with our son our first time after miscarrying. Our doctor recommended trying after one full cycle, however, we did now that that because she was on vaca and did not call back until 3 weeks after we miscarried…so ya know…here we are!

I wanted to share this part of our story because I want other women to know that they’re not alone. When I was going through it, I felt alone and like miscarriage was not talked about enough. I knew one day that I wanted to tell my story.

The most important part of my story is this…through it all The Lord was and is faithful. There were times where I was so mad at God. I asked Ryan many times what I did wrong. I did not understand why I would be going through this when I knew the Lord promised me another child. It did not make sense. What I did not know at the time was that The Lord was preparing me. He did promise me a child and he fulfilled his promise…just not the way I thought he would.

I am constantly praying and thinking about the moms who can not get pregnant. I am not naive to the fact the 7 months is not a long time compared to some people’s stories. And to be honest, my heart breaks for those women. I’m sharing my story in hopes that it encourages you to really lean on The Lord and to remember His promises. My favorite verse is this: Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her! Luke 1:45 We may never know why we go through the valleys, however, He will always fulfill his promises. Even if it is not how we imagined it would look like.

If you made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read our story. We are very blessed and thankful for this season of life.

xoxo, Alyssa

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