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“Pinterest Perfect Pregnancy” I will forewarn you that it was as far as Pinterest worthy as it could be. But it was worth every second.

Pregnancy Announcement

I am not going to lie, I had this idea planned out in my head even before we were trying to get pregnant. Donuts, banners, cute customized cards, I thought of it all. I thought I had to tell my family I was pregnant in the cutest way. However, when we found out we were pregnant, I was out of state, far from family, and I was so sick. I found out that I was pregnant on my second wedding anniversary while we were in Alaska. I went to the local grocery store in Skagway, AK and bought a pregnancy test. There are no such things as public bathrooms, apparently. So, after walking forever, we found a little boutique that had a bathroom. I took the test and sure enough, it was positive. I will never forget how I felt at that moment. The Lord orchestrated this so beautifully. I would not trade it for the world. But was it how I had planned it? No. And that is what is so wonderful about it. I told my family via Facetime. Yes, you read that right. But it was the most exciting FaceTime call I have ever made. So, however you announce your pregnancy, it will be lovely. Whether it’s with donuts, a cute coffee mug, or just a phone call, each way is beautiful in itself.

Gender Reveal

Now, this was a party that I had thought would be over the top, amazing in every way, and something you would want to repin on Pinterest. HA. I had severe morning sicking that was 24-7. I was to the point where I did not even want to have the party. Praise the Lord for my sister who helped me plan and decorate! It was very simple and sweet. The gender reveal balloon popped before we announced, however, no one saw it pop so it did not ruin the reveal! It was not what I had planned in my head but it still was so fun to announce it! We had our most special friends and family there to celebrate with us and at the end of the day, that was what was most important to us. I was blown away by all the people who showed up and all the people who tuned into our Facebook live to celebrate with us. Our sweet growing baby was already so loved.

Maternity Fashion 

This is probably the biggest laugh of all. Y’all. I thought I would be the cutest pregnant person ever. The ones you see on Pinterest making pregnancy look so fashionable. I bought maybe two pieces of maternity clothing and only wore one of the tops. I lived in leggings and over-sized tops. Thank goodness I was pregnant during the winter months. I was gifted some maternity leggings and I literally lived in them. (I still wear them, because let’s be real, maternity leggings are the BEST). I could care less about what I wore each day. All I cared about was making it through the day without throwing up.

Delivery

I have always struggled with letting go and not being in control. I am a planner, which is not always a bad thing. However, sometimes I plan too much that I don’t stop to see what the Lord has for me. I got a huge wakeup call during pregnancy. As you can tell already, things did not go how I had expected them too. It was hard, but it was good. The Lord is completely in control and even though things did not go how I thought they would go, it went exactly how it was supposed too. And through it, I learned to Trust The Lord even more.

December 7, 2017, I was admitted to the hospital for severe Preeclampsia. I was in the hospital for 14 days and then I went back for an emergency c-section. (I have another blog post that goes more in detail on this.) It was the craziest, most exciting, most terrifying, experience I have ever gone through. But even then, I felt The Lord near in every way.

Our sweet Finley made her debut on December 20, 2017. She is perfect in every way. I did not enjoy being pregnant, however, I loved growing my baby girl. You will not see my pregnancy on Pinterest. But it was worth it. Absolutely worth it.

This topic is a hard one. I have to admit, when I was pregnant I knew I was going to breastfeed and that was final. I remember walking down the isles at Target with the baby-registry scanner adding items to my list. I came across a cute formula holder and thought to myself, oh that’s cute but I will never need that. As I walked to the breast pumps to scope out the best one. I did not cast judgment on people who used formula, but I knew that would not be me. Some moms would tell me how it was what was best for my baby and I knew that. Some moms would tell me how it is hard in the beginning but to keep pushing through it. I had information streaming from every direction.

When Finley was born I held her for about 5 minutes before she was sent down to the NICU. After that, I could not see her for 24 hours due to being on Magnesium. She was 6 weeks early because of my preeclampsia. So, my blood pressure was sky-high and they needed to monitor it for the 24 hours after birth. That meant not getting out of bed and unfortunately, not seeing Finley. Not the ideal birth story you read about on Pinterest.

In the NICU they fed Finley donor breast milk. This was amazing! Their donors go through a severe screening process. So, for the first 5 days, she had donor milk from a bottle. After 5 days, they switch to formula. I would go down down the NICU and I tried my best to breastfeed during her stay. However, she was 6 weeks premature so it was a little harder for her. I had to use a nipple shield for her to even latch at all. We would feed for 30 minutes and then supplement with donor milk. Days 6-7 we supplemented with formula. I was very hesitant to switch to formula at first, but we had no other option. I was not producing enough right away because my body had not been ready to give birth that quickly and Finley was not fully ready.

I remember getting so excited when I pumped 1/2 an ounce. It was truly a proud mom moment. Once we got home from the hospital I tried to pump as much as I could. I breastfed Finley and we would supplement with formula. However, each feeding was a struggle. When I say struggle, I mean Finley and I were both in tears. Every. Single. Feeding. She had been so used to using a bottle with the donor milk, so she would not latch without the shield. And the shield was a whole other struggle. I was so discouraged and I did not understand why. One particular feeding took almost two hours. I knew breastfeeding was what was best, so why was it not working? Was I a bad mom for feeling this way? Was I not trying hard enough?

When we started our Pediatrician visits Finley weighed 5 pounds 4 ounces. As we continued to go, our pediatrician was a little worried because she was not gaining weight like she should have been. We had to start going weekly for weight-checks. What we came to find out, was that I was not producing enough so when I was breastfeeding she was not getting as much as she needed. We made the hard decision to go strictly to formula. Mom guilt is real, Y’all. I never thought this would be me. I thought I was failing my baby. But you know what? After being on formula for a couple of weeks, she gained weight rapidly. I am happy to report that she is now on the percentile chart when they had previously said it would take her months.

In the end, you have to do what is best for YOUR baby. Do not let anyone influence your decisions as a mom. You know your baby better than anyone. I am THAT mom who feeds her baby formula and I am proud of it. I am proud because I am doing what I need to do for my baby to be healthy!

(And yes, I went back to Target to get the cute formula holder 🙂 )

xo, Alyssa Littlefield

Life as a family of three has been a very smooth transition. Sometimes, Ryan and I just stare at Finley wondering how we got so lucky to be her parents. We are in awe of how we made this little lady and how we get to be the ones who raise her. The Lord is so faithful.

The first night was a little rough. We got maybe two hours of sleep. Thank goodness for concealer! We jumped up to check on her when she let out any tiny little noise or cry. We have never prayed so much in our life. We really have to just trust God and give it all to him. The first month, we would spend about an hour and a half during each feeding, just trying to figure out what worked for us and what worked for Finley.

As the days have gone on, we have been getting more into a routine that works well for us and we are getting more sleep. PTL. Our sweet Fin is also getting used to her feeding schedule. She has started to wake up on the dot every three hours. Our little premie is growing rapidly and has been catching up with her eating. She is finally on the percentile chart! We have come along way since being on the feeding tube!

Being home with my family of three has been a dream. We are so blessed to be able to have this time together to get used to things. Finley already has us both wrapped around her tiny little finger. I remember being a blonde, chubby-cheeked little girl that loved playing house so I could pretend to be a mom. That was what I wanted more than anything. I knew becoming a mother would be great but Finely is the reason why being a mom is so wonderful.

Ryan and I want to thank you all for the prayers and encouragement these last few months. It means more to us than you know. It was not the easiest pregnancy or delivery, but the fact that Finley is here and healthy makes it 100% worth it! Again, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

Our prayer for Finley is that she is happy, healthy and that she loves The Lord with all her heart! Finley has changed our lives for the better and we are so so thankful that we get to be her mom and dad!

xoxo,

Alyssa Littlefield

The hardest part of being in the hospital was not being able to see Finley for 24 hours after I gave birth. I got to hold her for about 5 minutes before they took her to the NICU. I was on magnesium (as I previously stated in my last blog post) so I could not leave my bed or room for 24 hours. When the time came for me to get out of bed, it was extremely hard. I underwent a c-section just 24 hours earlier and had not been out of bed since. Sitting up and rolling over was so painful. It was a pain like I have never felt before. I was to the point of tears. But I wanted more than anything to get out of bed and go see my daughter.

When I finally made it to the NICU, I was just so excited to hold my baby girl. I did not want to leave. I could have just held her for hours. The nurses were amazing! They took such great care of our Finley so I knew she was in great hands. Each time we walked in there it was so positive and uplifting. Ryan and I were so thankful for all of the help they provided. They taught us how to feed her the right way and how to pace her with the bottle. They gave us so many tips on breastfeeding. Honestly, if it wasn’t for them, I would not know how to properly breastfeed. They informed us on small things like taking her temperate before each feeding and how to hold her while bottle feeding and breastfeeding. They also showed us some tips and tricks. We are truly grateful.

I was discharged on December 24 and even though I was thrilled to be leaving the hospital after 18 days of being a patient, it was so hard leaving my baby there. It was the weirdest feeling. We had only been a family of 3 for 4 days so it was all so new. On one hand, it felt normal riding in the car with just Ryan heading to get lunch and then heading home. On the other hand, I felt like I had left half of my heart at the hospital. I remember waking up the next day on Christmas Day wanting more than anything for my baby to be there with us. All I wanted was to spend the whole day with her, even if that meant sitting in the NICU all day. And that’s exactly what we did.

After 6 days and many shed tears later, Finley was discharged on December 27. My favorite thing was walking out of that hospital with my sweet little family of three. We had quite the adventure this past month. 18 days in the hospital, an unexpected C-Section delivering our baby 6 weeks early, and a 6 day NICU stay.  This was not how we thought our delivery would go at all. But through it all, we trusted The Lord. We knew He had a plan and that it was good. Everything was completely out of our control so we had to lean on The Lord more than ever. Our God is a good God and our God is a faithful God. We thank Him every day for our sweet baby girl!

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

xoxo,

Alyssa Littlefield